ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
and she was petting her beer can
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize