Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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