Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
