All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
