Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
we're chasing vodka with high fives
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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