I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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