Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
It's Friday. Sex?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
