you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
