walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
