Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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