remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
