the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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