It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
