Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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