My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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