Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Girls should come with a carfax report
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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