If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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