Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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