Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
