I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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