Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
