I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
