Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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