His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
