fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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