He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
