My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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