I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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