Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
