He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
