so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
