thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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