i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
