my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I think weed is turning my hair brown
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
