if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
