Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
