he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
