My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
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