my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
