just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
