please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
