Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
