Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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