Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
