best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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