I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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