Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
