Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize