So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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