Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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