i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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