I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
