pedialite and red bull = repair kit
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
