You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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