The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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