What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
