sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Blood and glitter go together right?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
