its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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