You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize