do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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