So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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