Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
