I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
