omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
