so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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