Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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