ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
