forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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