that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
