My room smells like vodka and shame
babies were throwing up all over the place
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
