My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
