I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
