FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
