we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
i need some magic done to my vagina
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
