"it" just moved
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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